The gravity of the approaching New Year is just now sinking in, after the past 12 months have blitzed their way past us, taking and leaving as ferociously as a lion.
Maybe it is the holiday season – Christmas and New Year’s always leave me pensive, lost in my scrambled thoughts, my high hopes and my pensive wonder; or maybe it’s just this phase of my life – where the long term future seems hard to peer into, where I’m not even sure which country I will live in next year, or which continents my feet will find the path to trod on.
Maybe it is just life? I often thought as a child that when I grew up, I would have everything figured out – what I wanted to work as, what I wanted for my life, and just be settled in a place, contented in a simple life.
But here I am, just turned twenty-eight, the fourth year that I’m living in Buenos Aires, also known as the “Paris of South America”, but there is a yearning to be somewhere else.
Where, though? And doing what? I have a feeling I’ll get there at some point…but for now, I’ve yet to figure that out.
It seems the universe is sending me hints – this morning I turned on Bloomberg to check stock prices, and the quote of the day that pops up is from Winston Churchill. Bright orange words against the black background, the simple sentence stops me in my tracks.
“We make a living out of what we get; we make a life out of what we give.”
In a life so tracked by statistics and excel spreadsheets filled with endless charts and tables, there are countless days that these very numbers determine our self-worth and our confidence. In a role where the bottom line outweighs all other factors, it’s not difficult to be weighed down by less-than-expected profits.
But is that the kind of life I want? Is that how I want to spend my days, year after year?
So often I dream that one day I will be able to change the world, even if just a little bit of it, with my pen. I know deep down inside that being a writer is very much a part of my soul, and those who really want to know me fully will have to read what I write, not just listen to what I say.
I know that writing will form the bane of my life – it is my refuge for when I’m anguished, sad, or want to shout out loud that I’m on top of the world. I’m drawn to great writers just as I’m inspired to write better because of their work, and if there’s anything the last four years in Argentina have taught me, is that I can never give up writing, because it is what I am.
Writing has accompanied me through all the peaks and valleys and mundane days of my life.
I wrote when I felt lonely, I scribbled romantic notions when I first got attached, I filled my journal in Germany, where for the first time I felt free and independent, and then I wrote some more. Later on in India, I felt compelled to pour my thoughts on paper, where the heart of poverty reached right inside me and showed me all that I have to be thankful for, and then during and after my decision to move across the globe for love, I let my words flow freely.
This time, as we decide on which country to go to and where to live, as we debate the jobs we want to have, I’m writing again.
In this last post of the year, a closing ceremony perhaps, I write to say goodbye to 2013 – a year filled with good friends, and plenty of love, but also a year of difficult situations and tough decisions. I write to prepare myself for yet another year, one that I’m prepared to embrace with my arms open wide. With a raised champagne glass or not, I’m taking my chances.
I want this New Year to be filled with dreams fulfilled; to be outlined by the new paths and routes we choose to tread; to be bursting with love, for us, between us and pouring out of us; for life to be rich and full like plump summer peaches.
I desire for every single day of the next 365 to be fully lived, not only us getting, but also us giving. Giving of our time, our effort, our money, our thoughts.
May 2014 be that for you as well.
May it be sweet and delicious like banana doughnuts coated in chocolate glaze and almonds.
May you be blessed.
BAKED BANANA DOUGHNUTS WITH CHOCOLATE GLAZE & ALMONDS (Makes 12)
Adapted from Janie’s Kitchen
Ingredients:
For the baked banana doughnuts:
1) 2 ripe bananas, mashed
2) ½ cup sugar
3) ½ cup Greek yogurt
4) ¼ cup butter, melted
5) 2 eggs
6) 1 tablespoon of pure vanilla extract
7) 2 cups of all purpose flour
8) 1 ½ teaspoon baking powder
9) ¼ teaspoon salt
For the chocolate glaze and almond topping:
10) 4 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder
11) 2 tablespoons of butter, melted
12) 1 cup of icing sugar
13) ½ teaspoon of pure vanilla extract
14) 3 tablespoons of hot water
15) 1 cup of blanched almonds, chopped
Steps:
For the baked banana doughnuts:
1) Pre-heat oven to 325 deg Fahrenheit (160 deg cel)
2) Mix mashed bananas, sugar and greek yoghurt together until incorporated
3) Add melted butter, eggs and vanilla extract, and mix well
4) Sift in flour, baking powder, and salt to the batter and mix just until combined (Make sure you do not over mix – this may cause the batter to be rubbery!)
5) Grease a doughnut pan (this is the one I used)
6) Spoon mixture into doughnut pan, filling just about ¾ of each mold
7) Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, or until golden brown, then remove from pan and allow to cool
8) Repeat previous steps until all batter is used up
For the chocolate glaze and almond topping:
9) Chop almonds into small pieces (as small as you can) and place in a medium-sized bowl
10) Combine the cocoa powder, melted butter, powdered sugar, vanilla extract and hot water in a small bowl, and mix well until homogeneous
11) Dip one side of the doughnuts into the chocolate glaze then coat with almonds
*Note: Doughnuts should be eaten at most within three days. Store in a cool, dry place.
What a brave and beautifully honest post.
My dear Flea, I have always admired you for your courage. I wish you lots of love and light this 2014.
Sending all my love from over here.
Jin, thank u for your support, friendship, love and constant encouragement despite the distance! I wish you plenty of love and light as well!! Missing you loads!
Yes, may 2014 be filled with everyday life lived to the fullest, love and be loved, give and be given. May faith, grace, hope, love, joy, peace and gratitude abound in our lives that we may live a life pleasing to our Creator God.
We thank God for all that we had experienced with Him in 2013 and look forward to experience Him in a greater and more fruitful measure in 2014.
In His everlasting love, our family is held together despite the physical distance 🙂
Amen to everything you prayed for mummy!! God is good!